I’ve been dealing with MS for 13 years now and in all that time my moods still go in stages. Over the years I’ve experienced ups and downs and have accomplished many things, but the best thing is that through it all I’m still me. In the beginning of what I would deem the most difficult trial of my life (MS) was complete chaos: I wanted answers but didn’t get them; My life was on display, and everyone could see the real me, and I felt very humble and horrified; Many of my thoughts, feelings and beliefs were challenged in my mind.
I very much needed my Lord to help me make sense of it all and he did help me in many, many ways from comforting, inspiring, teaching and redirecting my mind toward logical thinking, to encouraging, loving, helping me overcome many things and being my close, personal, forever friend. For six years he inspired my blog posts on Blogger (Jade’s Musings) and to this day he greatly inspires me in maintaining my website (Jadelovgren.com), that I’ve managed for another six years (even though no one knows about it), because I know that one day it will help many people.
Back in 2009 I said, “There are a lot of things I “can” do and I’m glad that it’s not worse” and I believe that, but I still get bummed and have to constantly give myself pep talks to maintain a positive frame of mind. Even after 13 years I still sometimes feel like having a pity-party but my current resolve echos my words from 2009: “As I sit here writing this blog, it occurs to me that there are a lot of things I ‘can’ do. I can either give in to pity and self-defeat and become a negative and bitter person, or I can be positive and see all the good things around me. I think I’ll take #2 even though it takes more will-power. I know I’ll feel better if I go with #2.”
I love the end of my original 2009 blog post and so end this blog post with those words: “I want to walk through my life with Heavenly Father. I want him to be with me and to strengthen me. My trials may not be taken away, but he can make the load seem lighter. It gives me a lot of hope. I think the mood stage I’m in right now is a battle of my will. I will not give in to pity. I will not give in to negativity. I will put my trust in God and he will support me. For that I am grateful.”