For the last few weeks my feelings have been melancholy and somber, so much so that Per said to me, “I’m worried about you.” Two nights ago a dream made me understand that my somber feelings were from watching somber videos on YouTube.
Among the YouTube videos I’ve been watching have been segments of women, former officers in their home country’s military, who had since defected to another country but were telling of unkindness and harsh treatment toward women in their home country’s military; for some reason the way they did things in other countries fascinated me.
Regarding the military women my dream posed the question, “They defected many years ago (2007 and 2013) but what are the doing with their new freedom, progressing in life or lamenting about the past?” The question made me realize that I don’t let unfairness become the center but acknowledge that it’s there and move forward with my life.
I have trials and challenges and they define me for a while (I’m Jade with MS) but eventually I take charge of my life again and stop letting my trials and challenges control me (I’m just me, not me with my trial.)
Some of my challenges are really hard and in a way they’ll always be with me but I won’t let them define my life and become the center of my focus and stop me from moving forward.
Surely my experiences deepen my understanding; and my experiences give me greater compassion because I “know”; and my experiences will always have a place in my heart, but through it all I’m me and won’t be swayed from being who I am.
I can’t control many of the things around me but I *can* control my mood. Right now I change from being melancholy to feeling good. YouTube is playing “Music & The Spoken Word”, because I love the TabChoir, and it’s so uplifting that the music brings tears to my eyes.
Sometimes I do things that subtly bring me down; I don’t know why but just know that my heart doesn’t feel good. Gratefully, at those times, a thought or idea causes my reflection and understanding and I listen to my heart and mind. I have come to myself and am me once again. I feel very thankful and happy.