Nephi had many trials: His older brothers yelled at him that he lost their possessions to Laban in Jerusalem. His older brothers beat him with a rod. His older brothers tried to kill him; they tied him up and left him in the wilderness. His older brothers chastised him for breaking his bow. His […]
Today is a special day; a day of remembrance, reflection and gratitude. On this day, exactly fifteen years ago; just one week before my fortieth birthday, I was diagnosed with MS. How is having an incurable disease special and worth remembering? Some might ask. The disease itself isn’t special and I’d be crazy to say […]
Reading my previous post makes me want to cry in realizing the Lord comforting and strengthening me last night to bear my pain. Truly the Lord helps me with a power beyond my own. Surely, he is love. Sometimes, most of the time, I don’t understand but in his loving kindness he blesses me. In […]
My sacrum was aching so bad last night that I couldn’t even think. I took four ibuprophen at 930pm and again at 130am. It hurt really bad because usually I don’t take medicine. I thought of this scripture: But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my […]
The desert is so dry that its soil can’t absorb the water when it rains, therefore the water goes right through it. But there are cacti, trees and bushes in the desert; how can anything live? Because there are underground lakes, rivers and streams that nourish roots. The wilderness and the solitary place shall be […]
Leaving the church doesn’t necessarily mean leaving the gospel. There are many people out there with bright, deeply spiritual feelings who don’t fit in at church, or don’t attend church, or who have stepped away from church or otherwise. To them I say, “I understand.” I know what being shunned feels like. I know the […]
Experienced just now: Bad feeling in my heart: Disappointment. Bad thought in my mind: I’m not important and am unloved. Another bad feeling in my heart: Sadness. Good thought in my mind: All the words to I Know That My Redeemer Lives: I Know That My Redeemer Lives I know that my Redeemer lives. What […]
In the last twelve years I’ve known, intimately, that if I don’t move fast I get left behind. People want to keep their pace and if I’m slow it cramps their style. That means me having no friends and doing things alone, at my own pace. That’s just how life is and for me it […]
The more my ability decreases the further my gratitude increases. My latest gratitude is for basic things like sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. In all the ways my abilities have decreased in the last few years, since driving again my driving ability has never diminished and I can still take myself on rides which […]
I know I keep saying this but my abilities keep getting reigned in! The least bit of effort absolutely exhausts and frustrates me so much that tears roll down my cheeks and my breathing is in bursts like, “Okay – I can do this – it’s okay – be strong” to keep me from crying […]
I love this picture that reminds me to keep my focus on the Savior otherwise I’ll sink. This picture is of Jesus from Peter’s perspective. The story is this: Peter and some disciples were on a boat in the middle of the sea and the boat was tossed about because of the wind. In the […]
God never left Jesus in His most difficult trial and He will never leave you or me. We are God’s focus. God continually watches over us so that at any moment He can help us. God didn’t put us on earth to be alone but to live life; He is always with us; we are […]
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly […]
I know personally that adversity brings blessings when coupled with faith. Consider the David statue and how the sculptor shaped the once block of marble into a beautiful statue and then did finishing work that completed it as a resplendent work of art. Trials are like that, they’re never fun and are often times painful. […]
Weekend company is coming tomorrow and today my simplified tasks were to clean two latrines-not the rooms they were in-just the commodes. I wanted them to sparkle and so began my task but, again, amid my attempt my limit was reached and I said, “I’m done”; kindly, Per finished the rest. I push myself to […]
Sometimes bad things happen that are actually blessings in disguise. A seemingly bad thing was that I got a disease (MS) that took away a lot of my skills and caused me to just sit. Before MS I used to push myself to my limit every day and never give myself a break. Relaxing was something […]
I wrote this journal entry exactly five years ago today and in reading it again feel to share it on my blog. Enjoy! August 24, 2013 The Ultimate Cost God wants to bless us. But first He wants to know that we mean what we say – at the ultimate cost. This scripture has deeper meaning […]
I’m a go-getter and if there’s a way to accomplish it I’ll find and do it. In 2008 I had a lot going on: Worked out of the house at a full-time job for a company I loved. Was a full-time mom who cooked dinner every night, took care of my youngest son, wrote an email […]
Having MS has directed my attention to me, my home and my family. In July 2008 -when symptoms first started happening to me and before knowing about having MS- I sat in my living room staring at the wall. While sitting there I could feel nothing in my home -no warmth, no happiness, no love; […]
It’s so much more rooted within me when I figure it out and realize it myself. I want them to tell me because I’m impatient-I want to know right now-but when I learn by experience the knowledge is in my heart, and it’s there because I learned it for myself. Sometimes it’s hard and I […]
Yesterday my plan included moving as many boxes as possible from the garage to the house and unpacking them by the end of next week. Four boxes of books were put on the dolly and taken to my office…with much effort! (My heart was pounding and I thought ‘never again’ before sitting down for ten […]
Two of the best things MS has taught me is that I am strong and that I can do hard things. Ask anyone who has endured something rough and they’ll say the same thing. If truth be told, isn’t that what trials are all about – knowing our strength and knowing we can do hard […]
Have you ever heard this? “When the horse bucks you off, get back on again.” I love how it implies not letting the horse win but you being in control. Sometimes crappy things happen and we might let it “win” for a little while but eventually we tell ourselves “enough” and take control of the […]
Before getting sick (MS) I did things so fast and without thinking that I thought changing anything would affect too much (plus, I was too busy to change anything in my life.) Surely I wanted some things in my life to change but I wanted them to change while I stayed the same because I […]
I pay honor to having trials. Not to trials themselves but to ‘having’ trials. Trials themselves are not fun; they are hard and I don’t like them. But I’m thankful for ‘having’ trials that teach me and that show me my character like patience, strength, faith, love, and kindness. Trials bring out my true character, and […]