Comment: She’s a victim to her abuser by loving them and being with them. Response: I’m in control of my life and do things based on the way I am, not the way they are.
When I feel anything about a situation (angry, hurt, vengeful, etc.) the situation controls me. When I let go of it to be what it “is” and have no feelings toward it then I am in control of me, not the situation. Being in control of myself is acknowledging the honest reality that the unfair thing happened, that it’s a fact, that it’s unfortunate but that it doesn’t control me. When I manage my feelings I believe that nothing controls my thoughts, feelings or actions but me by my choices.
Unfair things happen to all of us – they’re a part of life – but what matters is our reaction toward them. When I hold a grudge toward a situation it is hot and has power over me.
- Will I let go of unfair things to say “it is what it is” and have the power to feel peace and determine my character?
- Or will I give my power away to unfair things (unfairness controls my feelings) and perhaps my festering grudges will manifest in me physically?
Having “baggage” means having grudges toward unfair situations. Every event “is what it is” and brings the choice of either being stagnantly controlled or moving forward in life. When I let go of grudges toward unfair situations and can honestly acknowledge those situations without emotion then I’m free.
An example of grudges manifesting in appearance: Grudges harden us and take away our beauty; instead of naturally smiling we scowl. But physical effects caused by grudges aren’t permanent. When we decide to be happy and don’t think any more about what bothers us we naturally smile and our demeanor is soft, lovely, and joyful. People radiate goodness when they’re good inside. We can say and do nice things but when our feelings are mad, angry, upset or anything unhappy, outwardly our face shows how we feel.
Feelings are both happy and sad. When we master our feelings we are free to determine everything about us. Appearing happy or sad does nothing because our true feelings show on our face. If we want to determine the look of our face then we manage our feelings.